Change - why it is never easy
After two years of constant change (a pandemic, moving countries, partially self-employed, new job and now fully self-employed) I am still surprised at how difficult change is. Two weeks into my self-employment journey I am yet again taken aback by my fear, uncertainty, feeling a bit off and actually even feeling like I am failing in this new chapter of my life. Even though I am still surprised and a little overwhelmed (although I know I should not be) I have learned a few things along the way that don’t necessarily make change easier but at least more bearable:
Normalize the uncomfortable: Change inevitably comes with trying new things (or as Brené Brown calls them FFT - F*** first times) and being new at things is hard. When we are new at something, we have no relevant experience or expertise to pull on to help our brain “predict” how an experience might go. This uncertainty can make us feel awkward, uncomfortable and scared.
In todays world where change and newness is often glorified the darker side of change is hardly discussed. Thus, we often forgot that these feelings are normal whenever we do something we have never done before, it is apart of being new and actually incredibly brave.
Be patient, it will get better: Like success, change is not a straight line nor can it be done with the "quick and without any effort" claims of motivational speakers and self-help books. It will be a shock at first, and you might initially regret having taken the plunge. But, after you are in the water for a while, you begin to adapt. What was first intimidating is now approachable. What felt unknown is now familiar.
Be patient with the process and know that it will get better. One morning you will wake up and realize that the most uncomfortable feelings have passed.
Find your cave: When a lobster hatches it grows its first shell, but it cannot grow any further without molting the original shell. When the lobster molts it becomes vulnerable and retrieves into a cave to grow a new shell in safety. It then swims around with its new shell until it is time to grow again.
Like a lobster we are vulnerable in the hight of the change process. Find your own personal cave during this time. This can be a daily exercise practice, meeting friends, cooking delicious meals, dancing around the house, anything that makes you feel safe, happy and you.
So today I tell myself that doing new things is hard and brave. I remind myself that it is ok to feel hard feelings but that those feelings are not permanent. It does not mean I am bad at everything, it just means I am in the middle of new experiences. This is going to take time and it might even be a heavier lift than I expected but will give myself the time in my cave, to grow my new shell and with it explore the world of self-employment.
