Fear of success - “It feels scary, because I know I could do it very well.”
“It feels scary because I know I could do it very well.” This sentence by Africa Brooke in the podcast “The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett” stopped me in my tracks. She put into words what I have been feeling for some time now.
For many years a distinct fear of failure held me back. I had and still have very high expectations of myself and seek perfection when of course there is none. This time things feel different. When I asked myself, "What if I fail?" I find that my answer is easy. I will focus on my freelancing or return to the corporate world. The real anxiety lies behind the questions "What if I actually pull this off?" Why is the conviction that Lemony (my current venture) can be successful scaring me?
At first sight, fear of success doesn’t sound like much of a fear and in comparison to fear of failure it is infrequently discussed. But it’s very real and it can hold you back just like any other fear. So what is this fear of success all about and why is success scaring me?
After hours of reflection and reading many articles I realised that it’s probably not success itself that I fear, but the potential price of success. It is linked to a fear of change that may come with the success of Lemony. If you try something and succeed, you head into uncharted territory. Things are different. Things change.
I tend to tilt towards the highly sensitive spectrum and often feel uncomfortable being in the limelight. A successful venture would however catapult me into the limelight, at least to a certain degree and with that opening myself up to other people’s judgement and criticism. Research suggests that criticism by others is one of the principal concerns that constitute fear of success.
Limelight is however not the only thing I fear in relation to success. I also know that success comes with a lot of responsibilities and a huge time commitment. What will this mean for my relationship with my partner, family and friends? What will this mean for my personal wellbeing and me-time? Am I strong enough this withhold the pressure if and when I have employees? Will I be able to live up to everyones expectations? Will I actually be happier and more fulfilled?
Fear of success can take on many forms, some more subtle, some more obvious. This is mainly how it manifests for me:
Procrastination. I have become a master at procrastination, telling myself to enjoy the summer. Although that is true, I mainly procrastinate as a method to avoid progress.
Thoughts of quitting. Not a single day has gone past, when I don’t find a reason to stop working on Lemony and focus on my freelancing. I sometimes even look at LinkedIn job posts, combing procrastination with thoughts of quitting (🫣).
Successfully bringing Lemony off the ground would mean a leap in identity - from employee to founder, from mouse to swan, standing up for my values, beliefs and dreams, actually being proud of myself and that is scaring the sh*** out of me. How am I keeping going despite the fear?
Identifying my fear of success was a first step. But what really keeps me going is Lemony’s purpose, my urge to create more human and inclusive work environments, equipping people with the right skills and tools to navigate the ups and downs of life and with that creating a more equal world. This purpose is bigger than my fear and urges me to take one step at a time, regardless of the possible outcome and as my grandmother used to say “cross the bridge when you come to it”.
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